By Larry Hall Jr.

And another thing that twists my titty.

No dude, you can’t smoke over my consoles. Not even the cheap ones. I am not interested in cleaning up the ashes that fall into the faders while you work your magic on that kick drum. Nor do I want to mix the opener and have your nicotine finger-jizz rubbing off on my clean fingers. I am not interested in your second-hand cancer. Feel free to smoke in your home and car with your spouse and kids and cancer them up. I’m good

At least after you use it , I get to take the console back to the shop, and let it un-fumigate for a few hours too. So there’s that!

I don’t care if you are a smoker–to each his/her own. But I ain’t dealing with it on my gear. Bring your own console if you cant get through sound check or the 75-minute show without a smoke. 

Show a little respect for the people that have made the investment and have put the time into making YOUR day (because of course it’s not about the fans or the artist, its ALL ABOUT YOU BABY) a little easier. 

While I am ranting, what’s with the dude that used to be a “big time front of house guy”, who has Spinal Tapped down to a C-level touring act playing clubs being a total shithead? I get it dude, I don’t like club gigs either, they are a pain in the ass for all of us; but hey, whatever it takes to make the world be what it do.

This guy comes in, already in a bad mood. He’s been arguing with the tour manager about his PD or something. He insists we move FOH literally 10 inches to the left, and also HATES the easy-tilt (it’s too high, or it’s too low, or it’s too silver or whatever). He happily tells us what a big deal he was or thinks he is or whatever, little man… He grabs a 58, says “check, one, two,” then says “worst PA ever.”

Really dude? EVER? After three syllables? The dude from Train was here last night… HE LOVED it. And well, the band you’re here with used it with their old sound guy. He was good with it. So WTF, little man? Maybe your voice sucks through a 58? By the way… Your mix has WAY too much 4K. Worst front of house guy ever? Well… At least you were on the worst PA ever. So it all matched up.


I think we now know why your career has plummeted to this level. Good luck next year when the ONLY gig you get is working as a club sound guy on what is truly the “worst PA ever.” At least you will get paid (not well), and at least the hours will suck. 

Actually, the club guys won’t want you either. Soooo … good luck at WalMart as a greeter you old deaf ass bastard. 🙂